Self Destructive.

Okay, so twice within the last month or so, I have caused the downfall of potential relationships. And, I am a slow learner. However, this time, I think it will stick.
Here is the basic information. I am attracted to an unusual kind of woman. I can't even put my finger on what it is that attracts me to them... actually technically speaking I probably shouldn't put any part of me against what attracts me to them. But, in all seriousness, I don't know for sure what it is that draws me. But, I do know it is rare to find. Here is what I look for : Shorter than me. That's a given. They have to be under five foot six. Secondly, I am very drawn to red-heads, but the last two have been blondes. I love intelligence, and a sense of humor. Both of which the ex-wife seemed to lack oddly enough. But, there is something. That undefineable "X" factor.
Well, I don't date often, but the last two women, both had the "x" factor and I was almost immediately attracted to them.

The problem is, when I am attracted, I know that the " breed " is rare, and I get carried away quickly.

The problem in both situations is too quick to kiss. Or, perhaps even kissing to passionately way too soon. Usually mid-kiss I realize I've done it. Well, okay, the first of these two women, I wasn't given such self awareness noting. Because, it was a mutual kiss. However, the latter of the two blondes caused every alarm in my head to go off. But...and this is a big but... ( which she didn't have ) She initiated the kiss. Yes, she leaned in. But, I got carried away. Yet again. I even knew it after the fact. Granted, not during, but after the fact I realized I had done it again. But, here is the problem. I got too concerned. RATS. I knew she was an unusual type. I was attracted to her and I got carried away, and when I tried to correct the situation, she shut down. Or so I thought. Note: Don't make repeated attempts to contact someone and assume they are ignoring you. It could be they are too busy to get back to you and each email, phone call, or text comes across as pure panic. Which, granted it was, but it was also a mere reaction to... the email I recieved from her the following morning. Yes, she didn't respond to the late night call, but I did get an email in the morning basically saying, we didn't have mutual senses in regards to affection. Which basically meant to me, I kissed to quickly. ( Or perhaps badly, I havent ruled that out. ) But either way, she essentially ended a potential relationship via email, and I went a little nutz. Okay, maybe a little more than " a little". But, in my defense, I hate it when I get dumped via email with an excuse that is incorrect. She assumed I enjoyed always making out in a parking lot, and that couldn't be further from the truth. But, she sent an email saying she didn't really see a need to see me again, and I over-reacted. A little. Well, in my opinion. Then, voila. I looked like a complete ass. Hard to recover from that. BUT, this time taught me. Yes, this time. Next time, if I find one with the "X" factor again. I will keep my mouth shut in many, many ways. It's time to learn the game of hard to get. I hate games, but I have become painfully aware of the fact that, the game is expected. And, in the same way the ex left me 20 grand in debt, sometimes ya just have to learn and move on. Sad but true. And Michelle and Liz, if you read this, I's still sorry and ... well... thanks for the lesson. Sorry for the faux pas. Oh well....


MadH